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This quote was on the first page of Mary Kay’s LOOK magazine this winter. I love it. It’s not often you see a cosmetic company talking about real beauty.
It’s tall and petite. Pear-shaped and hourglass. It’s moms, grandmas, sisters and girlfriends. Beauty knows no bounds. It comes in all shapes, sized, colors and ages. And it starts from within — from head-turning confidence to just-because kindness — true beauty deserves to be shared and celebrated…
Michelle Obama has created quite the stir among fans, designers, stylists, and the general public for her fashion and style. She is classy, sophisticated, yet simply beautiful. She seems to gracefully hold the tension between the elegance of a queen that audiences hope for, yet the simplicity of a loving wife, mom, and that of the person you would expect next door.
The simplicity shows through in her personality and natural beauty. You get the feeling that she is confident in who she is, and she uses the mediums of fashion and makeup to only enhances and highlight who she is.
One moment I loved this week was at the first Inaugural Ball when Barack said, “Isn’t my wife good-looking?!” and the crowd started clapping and cheering. Michelle started clapping, smiling and looking at her husband until she realized what he had said and then she laughed and stopped clapping with an “oops” sort of look when she realized everyone was clapping for her! It was very cute.
Today I read a disturbing article on NPR about the status of women in Italy. The article titled, In Italy Feminism is Out, Women as Sex Symbols In discusses the role of women in Italy, especially since the 80’s, and the growing rate of women’s bodies oversexualized in the media and showgirls as the idealized role model. Sad. Very sad. In fact it made me angry as well. Especially when I read on about the low percentage of women in leadership roles in the country, “2 percent in top management positions…” and “only 17 percent of members of parliament are women…” How sad for the women and young girls growing up thinking that the only way to gain respect, to change the world, to lead, to make a difference, is by giving their bodies for the enjoyment of men, especially powerful men. It makes me angry when I see the powerful abusing others for their own greed and gratification. They have taken the gift of a woman’s beauty and not used it for good, but have twisted it into something no longer beautiful.
When it comes to beauty, our culture places so much importance on a person’s appearance. Much of what we are fed through various media is that love is for the beautiful, or that it is the beautiful who are loved. And with regard to sex and intimacy, we think that great sex is only for the young and beautiful. Why is that?
I recently saw two movies that spurred thoughts on the idea of beauty. The first was the Emmy Award winning mini-series, John Adams, adapted from David McCullough’s book. There was much that moved me about the movie, but what intrigued me in regards to beauty, was the progression of John and Abigail Adams as they grew older. Often in films, we see the actress in her current state, and then a quick 30 year jump to her older years. This movie, however, moved through time, with each period showing the characters growing older. First a few age spots, then some gray hairs, then some sagging around the face, then some more pronounced wrinkles. But these were not symbols of beauty lost, but of a greater beauty. Age symbolized all they had been through and experienced, and all the years they had loved each other. In one of the final scenes, John is with Abigail as she dies, and it was in this scene that I cried at the tenderness they showed each other in their kisses and embrace. Love had nothing to do with how beautiful in body each one was, as they were very old and not all that physically attractive.
The other movie I recently viewed was Call and Response, a documentary on modern day slavery. In it, Cornell West, the Princeton professor, spoke of real love occurring when we are able to get in the “funk” of life and be open and real with each other. He said anyone can go through the motions of assumed love, but for true intimacy to happen, we must be willing to accept the filth, the not-fun, the sadness, the messed-upness – the “funk,” as he called it, of life. I think when we are safe to be real with others, we allow them to see the messed up part of ourselves, we “let our hair down” as they used to say, when women always wore their hair perfectly pinned up. If we don’t allow others to see us in all that we are, or if we don’t provide a safe place for others to be real, we will miss out on true relationship and intimacy.
Not every woman can carry off the big fall trends: the graphic arch of a plucked and penciled brow; the dark red stain of a strong, vampy mouth; the smoky play of light and shadow on a Theda Bara eye. But in this season of glamorous choices and sophisticated natural looks, makeup lets a woman play — or underplay — whatever role she chooses. “Fashion is one thing,” says the makeup artist Heidi Morawetz, “but personality is quite another. A woman must always adapt makeup and trends to her own personality and use them to be more herself.” Be a heroine, if you feel like one. Didn’t someone once say that all the world’s a stage? (emphasis mine)
This weekend I went for a walk at the lake and unexpectedly ran into thousands of women running for the Aflac Iron Girl 5K and 10K run. I have never witnessed a race like this so close and found myself almost embarrassingly moved. I don’t know what it was, but a tear came sneaking out of the corner of my eye, (thank goodness for sunglasses), at the sight of all these women running together being cheered on by those standing on the sidelines.
My sister had been trying to get me to train for a triathlon and now she is attempting to talk me into a half marathon. I keep turning her down because I’m just not interested in all that work. Put another way, I’m lazy. And before now I haven’t been able to come up with a good reason to put my body through that kind of torture. But after seeing this race I did have to give her some credit. Something about the race looked very invigorating and exciting: being a part of something so large, pushing beyond what you think your limits are, reaching a goal, and setting your mind to something and making it happen.
One thing that stood out to me was that there were all types of women there, young girls in their preteens, older women in their 70’s, trim and in-shape women along with those that were not, tall women, short women, natural athletes and not-so-natural athletes, tired women and energized women. Everyone was included. All you had to do was sign up and decide you were going to make it your goal to finish a 5 or 10K. You didn’t have to be a marathon finisher or an Olympic athlete or even a college athlete, just a woman with determination.
As I was walking back from the coffee shop that morning I heard the announcer say, “You ladies look great!” and I thought, “How perfect.” He might have been talking about their sweaty foreheads and straining faces as they raced to the finish line, but I don’t think that’s what he was noticing. He was noticing women out there pushing themselves beyond what they normally do, unafraid of where they placed in comparison to others, and willing to risk failure or embarrassment in order to finish what they set out to accomplish. He saw women with a goal in mind and determination to make it to that goal, proud of what they had achieved. Now that is looking great.
Last week was one of those weeks when I didn’t feel very beautiful. “Why do women do that?” asked my friend’s husband as all four of us were casually talking about how flighty we women can be about whether we “feel” pretty. “Good question.” If I knew the answer to that one, I’d be a millionaire.
I know for myself it usually happens when I have been comparing myself to someone else…The problem with that is there will always be someone with longer legs, or bigger boobs, or bluer eyes, or less moles and freckles. And it is an extremely impossible and subjective contest as it depends on what you like at the moment, what time in history it is, or even what part of the world you live in.
It also happens to me when I haven’t spent much time being grateful for things I take for granted about my body like being able to WALK with friends, or SEE my baby’s cute face, or EMBRACE a family member…Take one trip to the grocery store or park and I run into someone who wishes their physical body could just do one of those things and it changes my whole perspective.
The other time it happens is when I have become too focused on myself, which almost inevitably leads to too much critique of myself… I think the more time spent getting ready in the bathroom is correlated to more time thinking about how I look which in turn leads me to a greater amount of insecurity just because I’m thinking about it too much!
I had another conversation with my husband at the end of that week…and he had a good reminder for me. “You are most attractive when you are playful and confident in who you are.”
Last night I went to a going away party for some friends. I dressed up a bit more than normal but applied my usual makeup. I wish I had used the festive opportunity (which, by the way doesn’t come often for moms with young children) to really have fun with my new mineral eye colors because I saw some great looks where my friends had fun playing with smokey eyes! I was admiring one friend’s eyes and thinking, wow, she really stepped out and tried something new and it looked great!
I have found that most women tend to apply makeup lightly with the goal being a natural look, which is my favorite for every day life. However, when most women experiment with a little more color, they usually feel like it is too much! They aren’t used to seeing their eyes smokey or their lips with a bright shade of color. And yet it looks hot! I’ve watched women try a new lip color and turn to their friends with a skeptical look on their face, and their friends say, “Wow, that looks great on you!” And yet, they take it off, almost scared of the new look! I have to say, I also fall into this sometimes. We get so comfortable in one way of being, we are afraid we’ll lose who we are by trying something new as simple as a new color or look! Or we are afraid people will think we are trying to be someone we aren’t! Yet, most likely, no one is thinking that at all. They are just thinking, “Wow, she looks great and confident in who she is! I should try something new like that!”
I’m going to try having a little more boldness when it comes to trying something new. For instance, a bold lip color is not my first grab from the bag, but that would be a fun place to start. The only problem now is finding a good reason to try that new lip color, and I’m not thinking the kiddie pool or laundry room will be my first place to try.
Beautiful You 