Two Films

When it comes to beauty, our culture places so much importance on a person’s appearance.  Much of what we are fed through various media is that love is for the beautiful, or that it is the beautiful who are loved.  And with regard to sex and intimacy, we think that great sex is only for the young and beautiful.  Why is that?

I recently saw two movies that spurred thoughts on the idea of beauty. The first was the Emmy Award winning mini-series, John Adams, adapted from David McCullough’s book.  There was much that moved me about the movie, but what intrigued me in regards to beauty, was the progression of John and Abigail Adams as they grew older.  Often in films, we see the actress in her current state, and then a quick 30 year jump to her older years.  This movie, however, moved through time, with each period showing the characters growing older.  First a few age spots, then some gray hairs, then some sagging around the face, then some more pronounced wrinkles.  But these were not symbols of beauty lost, but of a greater beauty.  Age symbolized all they had been through and experienced, and all the years they had loved each other.  In one of the final scenes, John is with Abigail as she dies, and it was in this scene that I cried at the tenderness they showed each other in their kisses and embrace.  Love had nothing to do with how beautiful in body each one was, as they were very old and not all that physically attractive.

The other movie I recently viewed was Call and Response, a documentary on modern day slavery. In it, Cornell West, the Princeton professor, spoke of real love occurring when we are able to get in the “funk” of life and be open and real with each other.  He said anyone can go through the motions of assumed love, but for true intimacy to happen, we must be willing to accept the filth, the not-fun, the sadness, the messed-upness – the “funk,” as he called it, of life.  I think when we are safe to be real with others, we allow them to see the messed up part of ourselves, we “let our hair down” as they used to say, when women always wore their hair perfectly pinned up.  If we don’t allow others to see us in all that we are, or if we don’t provide a safe place for others to be real, we will miss out on true relationship and intimacy.